3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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