You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
