if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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