What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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