i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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