you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
