I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
