Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
