He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
