i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
