I love black thongs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize