I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
