So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
being pregnant is like rehab
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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