Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
