Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
only you would photoshop your dick
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
