1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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