All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
