it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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