i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
