Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
