dude i'm inner monologue high
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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