Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.

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(631): View more from New York

we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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(209): View more from California

Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.

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(516): View more from New York

OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM

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(541): View more from Oregon

dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

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(708): View more from Illinois

My lips are sealed. Both pairs.

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(805): View more from California

I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water

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(703): View more from Virginia

Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.

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