ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
