That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
