:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
