i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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