You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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