I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
