And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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