i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
