two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize