who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
