The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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