Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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