Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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