Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
