you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
