Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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