I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize