take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's like iHOP with fire
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
