my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
