she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
