I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
