Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
