so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
