when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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