I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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