Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
