we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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