My friends, they love my intelligence
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
