You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
