you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize