My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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