okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
