I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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