i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is wine microwaveable?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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