I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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