So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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