So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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