..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
