GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize