his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
