My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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