it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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