found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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