and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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