The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
