I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
