you lied. pity sex is amazing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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