But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My vagina is officially offended.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i black out too much to be "responsible"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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