pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
