I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
