I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
