I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
birth control should be required to get into college
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
