Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
